Draft 1 of Music Video

I have finally finished ny first draft of my music video using premier elements, please find the link below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soZH-9BXGic&safe=active

My narrative for my music video is a girl being bullied, however after close analysis of my first draft I feel I have used far too many different cuts shots exploring different leads to the narrative. In my second draft I am planning on cutting out the scene of the girl on the phone and instead re add the clip of the girl on the computer again because then the audience are led to believe that she is the bully sending hate mail to the victim. I am also going to play around with editing out the braille scene and using the sign language clip again, although this will detract the amount of communication I have used in my video, from feedback everyone said that the sign language chorus was the most strong and attracted the audience more. Another reason tio why I am planning on editing out the braille scene is that although focusing and zooming in on the pages the audiences are still un aware that it is braille so this will just confuse the audience.

From further evaluation of my first draft I am happy that I did chose to shot all the scenes in black and white except the begining scene because it makes my video unique from others, as not many people create a music video from black and white. It also highlights certain features of my music video, especially facial expressions because the audience are having to look out for movements instead of being in colour features are being made more aware.